Friday, June 18, 2010

So, I guess I dont look like a Mom

I was in the grocery store this morning picking up my baby girl so flowers for her preschool graduation. When it was my turn at the register, I brought out my wallet and inside is a picture of her from last year cheesing as usual. The woman smiled at the picture then asked if that was my daughter, I smiled and said yes. She then looked at me and said, oh wow you don’t look like a Mom.

Pause.

This isn’t the first time someone has said that to me. When someone says this to me I usually roll my eyes and ignore their statement. But this time I replied to the woman, I didn’t realize I didn’t look like a Mom, what does a Mom look like? The woman, surprised by my response, ignored my comment and continued ringing up my flowers. I thanked her when I was walking away, but was kinda upset too.

Since I apparently don’t look like a Mommy, what does a Mom look like? Does she drive a minivan? Does she have gum in her hair and cheesecurl stains on her shirt? Does she have a kid attached to her hip and one in a stroller? Is she White? Does she have a wedding band on? Does she look disheveled and half asleep?

Today I was looking pretty fabulous if you ask me. I put on a little makeup to brighten up my face, finally put some earrings in, and I had on a cute khaki dress that zippered in the front. I was polite to the woman and was not nasty, so why didn’t she assume that I could be a Mother?

Referencing a great friend and mentor, Deesha Philyaw of coparenting101, Ain’t I a Mommy?


8 comments:

  1. Honestly, to answer your questions: yes. There's is a presumption, based on some reality, that moms let themselves go, appearance-wise. You apparently didn't look harried, tired, or put-upon. That said, it was still an incredibly ignorant comment for someone to make! Sort of like, "Are you pregnant?" How old was this cashier?

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  2. And I bet you were smiling! You know moms aren't supposed to smile, and black women, in general, aren't either. The first time I visited the predominantly black county where my now-husband lives, I noticed that a lot of black male service people and clerks were smiling at me and chatting me up...even though I was obviously with my man. I never got this kind of attention in Pittsburgh, lol. Finally, I asked my boo what was going on. He replied, "You're a smiling black woman. Rare." I don't think anyone, black, female, or otherwise, should have to go around smiling if they don't feel like it, but I find it interesting how I, the same woman, am perceived in two very different places.

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  3. I get that and "Oh, you're too young to a mom" all the time. It's annoying. Moms come in all shapes, sizes, colors and even sexual orientations now days. There is no cookie cutter one size fits all mold.

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  4. oh moms definitely don't wear earrings. it was the earrings!! ;) :)
    I'm glad you asked her what one looks like. Maybe next time she'll think before she speaks. I mean WTF? Why bother asking if that's your daughter then? Why didn't she ask, "Is that your little sister?" or something. People are dumb. Fortunately, you're not one of them.

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  5. "You're a smiling black woman. Rare." What an interesting revelation. Why is it that every black woman has to be angry and full of rage?!

    I'm glad I asked her what a Mom looks like too, who is she to say I dont look like a Mom. It still bothers me a little that people dont consider me a Mom, I often get asked what grade im in in High School = annoying!

    IM A PROUD MAMA, SAYING IT LOUD AND SAYING IT PROUD!

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  6. Hey... I'll be posting a lil ol award on my blog for you shortly... come stop by if ya like : )

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  7. I get that all the time too, especially being a younger mom. I like to keep up my appearance, and I have been told many times before that I don't look like a mom. Apparently there is a persona moms are supposed to follow. Who decided that and where I don't know. But just keep doing you mama! I love your blog!

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  8. Hey Sharina thanks for joining the conversation! Its so annoying getting the 'you dont look like a mommy' routine, im so over it already! Thank you for the kind words!

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