Monday, June 21, 2010

Where was all the haterade on Mother's Day?

Father’s Day has come and gone, and I hope all the Father’s out there had a great day with their families.

As I was scrolling through the updates on my Facebook page on Father’s Day I was extremely irritated seeing friends put up posts like the following, “Big shout out to my loser Baby Daddy in jail on Father’s Day!” and “Happy Fathers Day to all the REAL fathers.” It seemed like every other post used deadbeat or no good to explain a Father. Don’t get me wrong there was also a few that proclaimed their love for their Father or child’s Father, but they were rare.

We are all entitled to our own opinions, and there are a lot of men out there that have fathered children, but will never deserve the title of Dad or Father. I should know, my … the person who is my sisters Father is not involved in mine or my daughter’s life and he sooo does not nor has he ever deserved the title of Daddy in my life. I’ve come to peace with it (after a long time of wanting him around), and maybe that’s why I’m not on Facebook or Twitter airing my dirty laundry.

There were plenty of nasty comments on Father’s Day, but where was the haterade on Mothers Day??

There are also women out there that do not deserve to be called Mom or Mommy. Such as the mother of 2 in Arizona who decided that pursuing a career as a stripper and living with her boyfriend were more important than her 6 and 11 year old boys. So, she packed up her belongings and was going to leave her sons all on their own. When her oldest tried to stop her, she punched him in the stomach! Sounds like a superb mom if you ask me! That ‘mom’ was arrested by Arizona police and charged with possessing drug paraphernalia, disorderly conduct, and child neglect.

My aggravation comes from the fact that on Mother’s Day it’s not commonplace for people to talk negatively about deadbeat Moms, but why is it so regular and expected for people to talk smack on Father’s Day. I firmly believe that there are as many deadbeat Moms as there are Dads, but there is less media coverage on them, and they are better hidden within our society.

Why is it ok to talk negatively about Fathers, but not Mothers?


  1. Well, I have to agree with you here... tho I did post a letter to my absentee own dead beat dad... on my blog... there are many 'dead beat' mom's out there too... trust me... I work with many of them... I think it has a lot to do with societal norms... its as tho it is a faux pas to speak ill of a mother....

  2. I have wondered this myself. And what disappointed me most was that when one of my friends posted on her status for moms to stop bashing the dads on their day, her own friends had the nerve to come back her with some craziness. I was like 'Wow!' They refused to get the point she was trying to make.

    If your father or child's father isn't doing their job then you don't have to shout them out negatively on FB or Twitter. They already know Father's Day is not for them. But if instead you put a positive spin on it like, "I wish my dad a Happy Father's Day and pray that he becomes a better parent" then you might see some positive results. When you don't expect better from people, they won't ever try to do better.

    As parents we learn that with our children. If we don't teach them better and motivate them they will be content to do what they see on tv or in their schools. Let's get off the hateration already and move towards more peace, love and positivity.

  3. It really had me pissed!! We've come to place Mothers on this pedastool. You are def right about societal norms that are within our society. Since they were made by those in our society, cant we then break these norms and create a more balanced society?
    I love the letter idea to your 'dad' I'll definitely be checking it out!

  4. Mommy Glow to answer the question that you make in the comment: Since they were made by those in our society, cant we then break these norms and create a more balanced society?I would have to say,No.

    I say No because there are only few people that actually realize the imbalance that you speak of. Just like that example that YumMama gave of of her friend posting it on FB and speaking up most of her own turned around and disagreed.

    People are blind to it. And, they have come to accept,conform and feed into the societal norm of Father's being good for nothing deadbeats that should not be celebrated. Due to the higher rate of single mothers with with the Fathers not present in the life of the children then the other way around.

    And, sadly its not hard to understand why. From personal expierence in my 25yrs on this earth I have only met one young teenage man that was a single father with no mother present in the life of that child yet I can't even remember how many women I have come across throughout my life that carries the same tale of the missing birth Father in the life of their children.

  5. I think it all depends on personal experiences. Unfortunately, absentee fathers and the mothers who struggle alone are a part of my daily life. I see men leave left and right, while women try to make up for what isn't there. Of course there are absentee mothers too, but men are more likely to not have properly bonded with their children, thus making it easier for them to live a life that doesn't revolve around their offspring.
    I think what it boils down to is that women (myself included) are hurting. We're hurting because there's nobody to help hold things together, or pick up the pieces when then fall. Being a single mother guarantees a to do list that will never end, and with every battle that you take on by yourself the hurt gets deeper. Even if you don't know it.
    So yes, there are absentee mothers out there, but fatherless child rearing is an epidemic that needs to be addressed before everybody ends up hurt...

  6. I totally agree, however Father's Day has never been significant to me, I forget about it, this year DH & I were going to send a card to his dad & I totally forgot!Thankfully he didn't. I do pray though that my attitude towards fathers changes before I become a mom.I believe they are so crucial yet society attacks fatherhood. (are they necessary etc.)

  7. oh I totally agree with you!! And, I find the stories about the deadbeat moms (I've known quite a few!) to be more disturbing than the dads. But you know, it's probably a result of PPD or something.

  8. I'm going to have to disagree with Momarchy_Speaks. I think that we can break the norms. It's not going to happen overnight, but eventually if we, the more mature party, constantly remind our less mature friends and family and readers that we have to do better, then gradually the change will take place. And if we start showing our children more positive ways of dealing with these types of situations they will grow up breaking the norms as well.

    I think that some of us are too impatient and desire instant change and gratification. Have we learned nothing from great leaders like the late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr who didn't give up on fighting for Civil Rights? While I may not know but a handful of single dads, I know quite a few (meaning more than 50) fathers who handling their business despite not being with their children's mother. And if you take the time to do a little bit of research, you will see that the Single Dads and Daddy Blog community is gaining numbers here on the web just like ours are.

    I know a lot of single moms, but I also know that some of those moms chose to be single and even more of those single moms are pushing their children off on their parents or not raising them properly. I don't have much sympathy for single parents because as a single parent myself, I do not allow myself to feel inadequate. I think that it's way time to stop the pity parties and suck it up.

    This is life in the REAL world and nothing is perfect. When you willingly participate in sex, you need to understand that the future is uncertain and that you may end up a single parent. And if you're not strong enough to handle that or don't want to face that possibility wrap it up, pop those pills or just don't have sex. I truly believe and live by the motto that "Nothing is promised today or tomorrow." Even God tells us that in the Bible.

    So, we just have to start making better choices and changing our mindsets. My little sister's chorus sung a song about change recently and in it it said "Let change begin with me." Well, I don't know about anybody else, but I am certainly changing my thinking and setting a better example for my daughter and future children to follow the way my mom did for us when our father skipped out.

    She tried not to bad mouth or bash him in front us. She's always polite and cordial when we invite him to birthday parties and special events. She admits her faults in their failed marriage instead placing all the blame solely on him. Change is possible.

  9. Interesting comments, thanks for the discussion. @Nikia you stated, “men are more likely to not have properly bonded with their children, thus making it easier for them to live a life that doesn’t revolve around their offspring” If possible I’d love for you to expand on that. I don’t agree with the statement 100% though I can see how and why people think that. Where I stand is that why is all the pressure to care and nurture a child always on the Mother. And I know some Mothers don’t allow the Father to “properly bond” with their child, so what is a Father to do?

    @Momarchy- I agree that many don’t want to acknowledge the imbalance that currently exists within our society, but I do feel that that can be changed.

    @The Princess Poet- Right on…society attacks fatherhood and sets all these unrealistic expectations. It’s BS!

    @Her Momma-Yes, the stories of the deadbeat Moms are no joke and extremely serious and disturbing.

    @YUMMama – I agree with you that these norms can be broken, but it’ll not be a change that occurs overnight. It’ll take time and hard consistent work to change the mindset of a very stubborn people.

  10. Its basically just because we carry our babies, and the men don't. By the time they come out they know our voice, our smell, and we already know each other. We were two people in one body....
    I get what you're saying about women not allowing men to bond, because there are plenty of selfish mothers out there, we don't get a pass. Its all about accountability!

  11. I know I am terribly LATE in this conversation, but what was UP with that?! I had the same exact thing on my newsfeed on FB on Father's Day! And it WAS totally irritating. Well said girl!


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