Friday, June 18, 2010

So, I guess I dont look like a Mom

I was in the grocery store this morning picking up my baby girl so flowers for her preschool graduation. When it was my turn at the register, I brought out my wallet and inside is a picture of her from last year cheesing as usual. The woman smiled at the picture then asked if that was my daughter, I smiled and said yes. She then looked at me and said, oh wow you don’t look like a Mom.


This isn’t the first time someone has said that to me. When someone says this to me I usually roll my eyes and ignore their statement. But this time I replied to the woman, I didn’t realize I didn’t look like a Mom, what does a Mom look like? The woman, surprised by my response, ignored my comment and continued ringing up my flowers. I thanked her when I was walking away, but was kinda upset too.

Since I apparently don’t look like a Mommy, what does a Mom look like? Does she drive a minivan? Does she have gum in her hair and cheesecurl stains on her shirt? Does she have a kid attached to her hip and one in a stroller? Is she White? Does she have a wedding band on? Does she look disheveled and half asleep?

Today I was looking pretty fabulous if you ask me. I put on a little makeup to brighten up my face, finally put some earrings in, and I had on a cute khaki dress that zippered in the front. I was polite to the woman and was not nasty, so why didn’t she assume that I could be a Mother?

Referencing a great friend and mentor, Deesha Philyaw of coparenting101, Ain’t I a Mommy?


  1. Honestly, to answer your questions: yes. There's is a presumption, based on some reality, that moms let themselves go, appearance-wise. You apparently didn't look harried, tired, or put-upon. That said, it was still an incredibly ignorant comment for someone to make! Sort of like, "Are you pregnant?" How old was this cashier?

  2. And I bet you were smiling! You know moms aren't supposed to smile, and black women, in general, aren't either. The first time I visited the predominantly black county where my now-husband lives, I noticed that a lot of black male service people and clerks were smiling at me and chatting me up...even though I was obviously with my man. I never got this kind of attention in Pittsburgh, lol. Finally, I asked my boo what was going on. He replied, "You're a smiling black woman. Rare." I don't think anyone, black, female, or otherwise, should have to go around smiling if they don't feel like it, but I find it interesting how I, the same woman, am perceived in two very different places.

  3. I get that and "Oh, you're too young to a mom" all the time. It's annoying. Moms come in all shapes, sizes, colors and even sexual orientations now days. There is no cookie cutter one size fits all mold.

  4. oh moms definitely don't wear earrings. it was the earrings!! ;) :)
    I'm glad you asked her what one looks like. Maybe next time she'll think before she speaks. I mean WTF? Why bother asking if that's your daughter then? Why didn't she ask, "Is that your little sister?" or something. People are dumb. Fortunately, you're not one of them.

  5. "You're a smiling black woman. Rare." What an interesting revelation. Why is it that every black woman has to be angry and full of rage?!

    I'm glad I asked her what a Mom looks like too, who is she to say I dont look like a Mom. It still bothers me a little that people dont consider me a Mom, I often get asked what grade im in in High School = annoying!


  6. Hey... I'll be posting a lil ol award on my blog for you shortly... come stop by if ya like : )

  7. I get that all the time too, especially being a younger mom. I like to keep up my appearance, and I have been told many times before that I don't look like a mom. Apparently there is a persona moms are supposed to follow. Who decided that and where I don't know. But just keep doing you mama! I love your blog!

  8. Hey Sharina thanks for joining the conversation! Its so annoying getting the 'you dont look like a mommy' routine, im so over it already! Thank you for the kind words!


I love your comments!