Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What I’ve learned about myself so far in 2012

I’m not one to make resolutions at the beginning of a New Year. But in doing self-reflection I knew that I wanted 2012 to be an even better year than 2011. I want this year to be a year of growth where I challenge myself more than ever before. Challenge myself to jump higher and run faster. To leap. To live with reckless abandon. To trust love. To trust myself. To not be afraid to push the limits.

And 25 days into the New Year I can say that I’ve done just that and have learned so much about myself in the process. It’s interesting how situations arise that test you, that test your strength and you have to make a decision. You can go run in a corner and choose to be consumed, or you can strap on your armor and stand with your feet firm. I have been tested, it’s even fair to say I’ve been an emotional roller-coaster (cue Vivian Green’s song) this year.

While I’ve never been one to back away from difficult situations, I usually become an introvert, secluded myself from the world and hidden in a shell. On the exterior seemingly calm and collective, but on the interior a ball of fire. I’ve gotten by like this, but as you can imagine it’s not the ideal situation. But recently I’ve realized that I don’t have all the answers, that when I’m being tested I don’t have to stand alone. I’ve never been comfortable asking for help or sharing a lot of personal information with others, but I realized I can’t carry this load on my own. And I’m glad to say that I was able to look around me and find amazing support from my friends and family these past few weeks. There were no questions, no judgment, just pure concern, encouragement, and love for me and lil mama. It’s been overwhelming and slightly uncomfortable to know that I’ve got so many remarkable people in my corner who truly believe in me and genuinely want what’s best for me and my family.

What I’ve learned 25 days into 2012 is I’m stronger than I think. That when I think I’m backed into a wall, I’m really not, I just have to change my perspective and find another way. That I’ve got an amazing support system that’s there for me no matter what.

That Still I Rise.