Monday, March 26, 2012

He Wasn’t Meant to Marry

As I continue going through the painful motions of co-parenting with my daughter’s father is has me traveling down memory lane remembering how I became a single mama and the end of my relationship with a man I loved oh so much.

I became a single mom in 2008 when my daughter was about two years old. Her father and I were at a point in our relationship where there were more arguments than laughter, more tears instead of kisses. We realized that over time our needs had shifted and the distance between us was too great to repair. Raising a toddler put a lot of strain on our relationship. I was 19 when I gave birth to our daughter; I was still growing and learning about the world when I had her. At the time of our breakup I was busy reenrolling in College, living on my own with our daughter, and trying to figure out who I was and what the heck I was going to do with the rest of my life. I needed to focus on me. He was busy raising two other children, starting a new career, and getting settled. He needed to focus on him.

It took me a looong time to realize that he and I just weren’t meant to be. It’s bittersweet when you finally accept this truth; it puts so much into perspective. Simply put, he wasn’t meant to marry. In an ideal world our daughter would love to see us together, married, and all living together? Yes, she’s told me countless times, but that is not how our cards were dealt. I had to stop with the guilt, with beating myself, wondering what I could have done differently, how I could have made us work. But, some things are not meant to be repaired and patched up.

He is someone I loved very dangerously, he is the father of my child, and she is the spitting image of him. I will always have a connection with him, regardless of the issues that we encounter; there will always be some form of love. He just wasn’t meant to marry, and I’m finally ok with that. It’s funny how life happens, the end of that relationship brought sunnier days to my life. Being able to focus on me allowed me to really get to know myself and in the process enabled me to fall in love and my heart is happy. Really really happy :)