Rough Night

So I'm sitting here, and the plan was (as it always is) that after I put my daughter to sleep I focus on getting my homework done and getting up to date on my coursework. Sounded like a plan, though I wasn't overly excited about it. I'm in the final 2 weeks of the Fall semester so I really need to get on my grind. So I put on some music to help motivate me and I instantly think of my daughter's father and start crying. 

My daughter and I spent another holiday without him reaching out and I was sad, but I ignored those feelings. And the emotions from his continued absence are really catching up with me. I mean I am seriously hurt that he is absent to help with his own child, It disgusts me. Especially when he lives in the same town as me...mere minutes from my home.

I shed a tear because the Father he was has appraently died.
I shed a tear because he doesn't get to see how wonderful she is.
I shed a tear because he doesn't get to experience all the wonderful new things she is doing and learns everyday. 
I shed a tear because I feel sorry for myself that I am so stuck on dumb with him.

When will I fully realize and understand that I cannot make him want to be a Father?

I wanted so badly to pickup the phone and call him tonight, to tell him that his absence has affected his daughter, that she needs a Father, a Dad. But, I can't do that. Because he won't hear me. He won't listen. He never does.

So, once again, I'll wipe away the tears, take some Excederin PM rest my head on my pillow waiting for a new day. For renewed strength to be able to deal with his absence. 

And I'll pray for continued strength to be able to be a capable single parent. 

What scares me about Co-Parenting

Living in Massachusetts all my life, I’ve heard about The Massachusetts Alliance on Teen Pregnancy briefly throughout the years, and then became more aware of them once Tara over at The Young Mommy Life starting writing with them. After a bit of networking I have happily been asked to write for their blog called The Pushback. The Pushback is a great blog through the alliance whose contributors are those that work directly with young parents or young parents themselves (like me and Tara). The Pushback is a chance to push against all that ignorance, bitterness, and prejudice and show what young parenthood really looks like.

I’m excited to share my first post with you all, and it’s titled: What scares me about Co-Parenting. Yes, if you are one of my dedicated readers you know I’ve written quite a few posts regarding my tense co-parenting relationship. There is a lot of fear I have for myself and daughter because of my now strained relationship with my daughter’s father. I encourage you to check out my post along with the Alliance, which is a great support for people in Massachusetts as well as nationwide.

Single parent by choice?

Would you choose to be a single parent? I don’t know why but this question has been playing over and over in my head. It is my assumption that men and women who are single parents aren’t so by choice. As you can see from my previous post ‘baby mama’ I personally would not choose to be a single parent. I enjoy having a spouse and raising a child with someone.

I was doing some research on the topic online and found strong arguments favoring choosing to be a single parent while others thought those who chose to be single parents were out.of.their.mind. I can understand both sides, but wouldn’t choose to be a single parent. There are some people who choose to conceive or adopt children without having a spouse, significant other, boyfriend, or husband. Many of these women are financially stable and have the financial means to adequately provide for a child without needing the $$ support of a second income.

Those in favor of single parenting by choice understand that a women’s biological clock may have a timer and if they are unable to find a spouse then they’ll seek alternative methods to have a child. They believe that a woman or man has all the tools necessary to raise a smart kind child, all without the help of a spouse.

Those who oppose say that 1 person alone cannot properly raise a child. A child needs a mother and father; single parents cannot fill both roles. To try to do so would be a disservice to the child. Single headed households are poorer and less educated than those households with two adults.

So would you ever choose to be a single parent? Why or why not?