Goodbye Preschool...Hello Kindergarten & Anxiety

I cannot, cannot, cannot, cannot BELIEVE my baby is starting Kindergarten. I have been stressing ever since January when I had to hurry and get my application in on time to get my top pick. And while she didn’t get into my top choice (goodness sounds like College) she got into a really great English/Spanish Kindergarten. The school is founded on a dual-language immersion model. The dual-language immersion model is a rigorous academic program where students receive 50% English and 50% Spanish instruction and are expected to become biliterate - to read, write and speak with the same high level of proficiency in both Spanish and English. This model is based on an equal respect for different languages as well as equal respect for the cultures of which those languages are a part.

When choosing a school for her, it was really important that the school provide Spanish to the children. Few people know that I’m ½ Colombian. But I didn’t grow up with my Father who is 100% Colombian, so wasn’t exposed to the Spanish language or culture, which totally sucks!! I took Spanish in school, but was more interested in talking to my friends that learning. So I want to make sure lil mama is exposed to the wonderful world of Spanish at a young age so it’ll stick when she is older. I’ve started at home, and Dora is a big help (even though when ever lil mama wants to watch it I roll my eyes) and through her DVD’s she’s learned some basic Spanish. And I’ve taught her how to count to 10 in Spanish, which I think is amazing!!!

I was so nervous going into the Open House a couple of month’s back, while lil mama didn’t really understand. She knows that in September she starts Kindergarten, but doesn’t understand it’ll be a big change from Preschool. So at the Open House I was freaking out. I wanted to make sure I asked the right questions, didn’t want to come across as a pushy parent. Wanted to pay attention to the right things in the classroom, didn’t want to bump in the children. Wanted to get a feel for the Teachers. I didn’t want to miss anything and I think in the process missed everything lol.

So I called the school recently and had a 30 minute conversation with the receptionist about the questions I still had and she eased my worry about lil mama starting Kindergarten. It just feels like a whole world. It will be an adjustment for both of us. We’ll have to wake up earlier, and she will have a more structured agenda during the day-which is great. Preschool has been great, but her Teachers and I both agree that she is beyond ready for Kindergarten.

But honestly the whole thing is causing my severe severe anxiety! I’m a big worrier, but this really has me stressed. I want to make sure her transition to Kindergarten is smooth and that we are on time for school and that I am on time to pick her up. This means having to get off work early to pick her up, which means less money. Or I could go the route of After School and have a meeting tomorrow to find out the price. But geez thought I would be saving money having her start Kindergarten. Aaahhh!

Think I’m just stressed because this is a big step for her, she’s really growing up and not my lil baby I can rock anymore. How do I get past my worry and anxiety for her starting Kindergarten? Maybe it’ll come once she starts and we get a new routine going.

The challenges of Co-Parenting

Co-Parenting Hell. That is honestly how I feel sometimes. It is so frustrating parenting a child whose parents have different parenting styles.

For instance, I’m freaking out about lil mama’s transition to Kindergarten and how I am going to leave work early to pick her up from school. I’m thinking ahead and worrying about next summer and how I am going to pay for summer camp. What about school vacations? I don’t have a support system. I have to worry about these things. And I don’t like handling situations last minute. I can’t afford to do that as a single mom. I plan as much as I can. Of course there are times when things come up unexpected, but I like to be as prepared as I can.

The co-parent in question is not worrying about it at all and getting frustrated that I’m going to him with all my worries.  But I thought that we were CO-parenting? Thought we were both fully invested in making decisions about her. And sometimes I don’t think he could care less. Which thoroughly frustrates my life!! Grrrrr. I know that I can’t make him care about her transitioning to Kindergarten…and that’s because he doesn’t have to deal with it. He doesn’t have to deal with her getting up an hour earlier or if she is sick during the day. I’m the one who has to deal with it. I can’t make him care about her going to summer camp next year because I’m the one who would be filling out the paperwork and calling to find out more information. Because it doesn’t affect him directly he won’t have to drop her off or work more to cover the costs. I won’t wait around for him to care or want to be included. I would be wasting my life away.

So maybe he acts the way he does because HE KNOWS I am a capable parent. He knows that I will take care of it somehow. He knows that I will be there bright and early with her on her first day of Kindergarten snapping photos with tears in my eyes. 

Maybe its me. Maybe I worry too much. Maybe I don't know how to communicate with him. Maybe there are just too many past emotions still in play.

So how can I be ok with my role as a co-parent who basically has full responsibility of my child? Because in my head I’m screaming, this is not right, this is not right! This is his child as much as mine, but I have all the responsibility! Of course I wish I could just make this whole co-parenting situation disappear, but I am no magician. I’m just me.