So, I guess I dont look like a Mom

I was in the grocery store this morning picking up my baby girl so flowers for her preschool graduation. When it was my turn at the register, I brought out my wallet and inside is a picture of her from last year cheesing as usual. The woman smiled at the picture then asked if that was my daughter, I smiled and said yes. She then looked at me and said, oh wow you don’t look like a Mom.

Pause.

This isn’t the first time someone has said that to me. When someone says this to me I usually roll my eyes and ignore their statement. But this time I replied to the woman, I didn’t realize I didn’t look like a Mom, what does a Mom look like? The woman, surprised by my response, ignored my comment and continued ringing up my flowers. I thanked her when I was walking away, but was kinda upset too.

Since I apparently don’t look like a Mommy, what does a Mom look like? Does she drive a minivan? Does she have gum in her hair and cheesecurl stains on her shirt? Does she have a kid attached to her hip and one in a stroller? Is she White? Does she have a wedding band on? Does she look disheveled and half asleep?

Today I was looking pretty fabulous if you ask me. I put on a little makeup to brighten up my face, finally put some earrings in, and I had on a cute khaki dress that zippered in the front. I was polite to the woman and was not nasty, so why didn’t she assume that I could be a Mother?

Referencing a great friend and mentor, Deesha Philyaw of coparenting101, Ain’t I a Mommy?

Is it harder for black moms?

I recently read an article over on essence magazine’s website titled, “Is it harder for Black Moms” and I of course instantly began thinking about this issue. It’s not something I had ever considered before. That my race, my being a black mother, put me in another lane, another field, another planet. Then I dug a little deeper.

I gave birth to my daughter 4 days shy of my 20^th birthday almost 5 years ago. I fit oh so many stereotypes. I was unwed. I was a minority. I was a teenage mother. What do the statistics say? That teenage mothers probably don’t finish their education. That black moms will end up on welfare and section 8. That I’d end up have 3 or 4 baby’s daddies. That I’d just end up being a broke baby mama. These are the messages that are around us.

Its sad, its disgusting, its discouraging, and it enrages me.

So is it harder for black moms? Is it harder for Spanish moms? Is it harder for Asian moms? Is it harder for white moms living in an inner city? Is it harder for black moms living in the suburbs? I mean, we could go on and on and on and on.

I could view my beautiful caramel skin tone as a disadvantage just as many others do. I could blame my complexion on the fact that I didn’t get that job. Could use it to reason why the cop in the store was eyeing me up and down. I mean, if we truly think we are at a disadvantage then won’t be?

I’m a huge huge believer that your future is what you make of it. While I cannot make people do what I want, I can change my reaction to people and situations. Instead of always jumping to conclusions and blaming my race, changing my perception will allow me to see the bigger picture not just what I see through my narrow lens.

I think we as a society need to start taking responsibility for ourselves and stop looking for someone or something to blame.

But that’s just me.