HATCHEDit: Because Mom’s need some help!

I think the last time I was stress-free was about ten years ago. I’ve been juggling so many different hats for so long, with few moments to stop and smell the flowers. Heck, I take the flowers and smell them on the way to the next destination!! Being a young mother and professional, my schedule is jam packed with meetings for work, swimming class, potlucks at school, dentist appointments, trips to the library, and play dates. More than one person has asked me how I do it all, my response is always: I have no idea!

I’ve found ways to help manage and organize the crazy that is called my life, and one of them has been HATCHEDit. It’s a wonderful online family management system designed to assist Moms in day to day planning. HATCHEDit is free (which I love, hey I’m on a budget) and is full of wonderful resources and tools which include an address book, news feeds, a pin board, and family calendar. Those of you who want to share information with Grandma or babysitters – this is the site for you! The site is collaborative giving Moms the ability to communicate important information with ease.

Wanna more about how HATCHEDit can benefit you? Check out the video below:

I’m a Mom on the go and I need something that is going to work with me and my schedule. Technology is a big part of my life, so I love being able to simply login and check information, as I’m infamous with writing an appointment down in my calendar but not updating my virtual calendar’s or my phone which can lead to a big mess and missed appointments! Out with the old and in with HATCHEDit!!

Would you use virtual organizational sites like HATCHEDit to help keep life in order?

Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post by HATCHEDit. All opinions expressed are the blogger's own views and not influenced by any outside biases.

So, I guess I dont look like a Mom

I was in the grocery store this morning picking up my baby girl so flowers for her preschool graduation. When it was my turn at the register, I brought out my wallet and inside is a picture of her from last year cheesing as usual. The woman smiled at the picture then asked if that was my daughter, I smiled and said yes. She then looked at me and said, oh wow you don’t look like a Mom.

Pause.

This isn’t the first time someone has said that to me. When someone says this to me I usually roll my eyes and ignore their statement. But this time I replied to the woman, I didn’t realize I didn’t look like a Mom, what does a Mom look like? The woman, surprised by my response, ignored my comment and continued ringing up my flowers. I thanked her when I was walking away, but was kinda upset too.

Since I apparently don’t look like a Mommy, what does a Mom look like? Does she drive a minivan? Does she have gum in her hair and cheesecurl stains on her shirt? Does she have a kid attached to her hip and one in a stroller? Is she White? Does she have a wedding band on? Does she look disheveled and half asleep?

Today I was looking pretty fabulous if you ask me. I put on a little makeup to brighten up my face, finally put some earrings in, and I had on a cute khaki dress that zippered in the front. I was polite to the woman and was not nasty, so why didn’t she assume that I could be a Mother?

Referencing a great friend and mentor, Deesha Philyaw of coparenting101, Ain’t I a Mommy?

Is it harder for black moms?

I recently read an article over on essence magazine’s website titled, “Is it harder for Black Moms” and I of course instantly began thinking about this issue. It’s not something I had ever considered before. That my race, my being a black mother, put me in another lane, another field, another planet. Then I dug a little deeper.

I gave birth to my daughter 4 days shy of my 20^th birthday almost 5 years ago. I fit oh so many stereotypes. I was unwed. I was a minority. I was a teenage mother. What do the statistics say? That teenage mothers probably don’t finish their education. That black moms will end up on welfare and section 8. That I’d end up have 3 or 4 baby’s daddies. That I’d just end up being a broke baby mama. These are the messages that are around us.

Its sad, its disgusting, its discouraging, and it enrages me.

So is it harder for black moms? Is it harder for Spanish moms? Is it harder for Asian moms? Is it harder for white moms living in an inner city? Is it harder for black moms living in the suburbs? I mean, we could go on and on and on and on.

I could view my beautiful caramel skin tone as a disadvantage just as many others do. I could blame my complexion on the fact that I didn’t get that job. Could use it to reason why the cop in the store was eyeing me up and down. I mean, if we truly think we are at a disadvantage then won’t be?

I’m a huge huge believer that your future is what you make of it. While I cannot make people do what I want, I can change my reaction to people and situations. Instead of always jumping to conclusions and blaming my race, changing my perception will allow me to see the bigger picture not just what I see through my narrow lens.

I think we as a society need to start taking responsibility for ourselves and stop looking for someone or something to blame.

But that’s just me.

i love my mother, but...

Let me preface by saying I love my Mother.

So, I’ve come across many articles that praise all the wonderful things that women and men have learned from their Mothers. They’ve helped them do this and do that and without them they wouldn’t be where they are. In these articles they often say all the grand things their Mother taught them. Maybe she taught them to be kind and fair. Or maybe she taught them how to cook or jump rope.

I hear these stories and I want to nod my head with agreement. I want to also think that my Mother taught me all these wonderful priceless treasures. But, I always think about what my Mother didn’t teach me. Hooray for being a pessimist.

My mother raised me and my 3 other siblings on her own. She worked tirelessly to provide the essentials for our family. So, a good work ethic, maybe I learned that from my Mother.

I don’t remember cooking in the kitchen together or making mud pies with my Mom. I don’t remember her helping me with my homework or teaching me how to ride a bike. I don’t remember her helping to show me how to be a Mother my first night home from the Hospital.

What I do remember is her leaving. Her being too busy to show a true interest in my interests. What I do remember is her being upset for having to drive me home from the Hospital with my 2 day old daughter and then leaving as soon as I got my baby girl out of the car. What I do remember is thinking what the hell am I supposed to do. What I do remember is missing my Mother, missing a Mother when I was growing up.

I wish I could list all the wonderful things I learned from my Mother. How she is my ultimate role model and without her I wouldn’t be where I am. I am thankful that she gave me life and taught me morals and values. But it almost seems like she got to the point where she gave up on us. It’s almost like she threw in the towel and called it quits with parenting. I can remember one birthday in particular, I came home from school so excited to see my mom. But the house was still. Her car was gone. I dragged my feet up the stairs with my head down. On my bed she left an outfit and a note that said Happy Birthday Alex, I’m at XX (her boyfriends) house for the night. No words could describe the pain and the hurt I felt. It’s a feeling I’ll never forget.

Again, let me repeat I love my Mother.

I wish she could have been there with me the first night home from the hospital where I was scared out of my mind with a newborn. I wish she would have showed more interest in me and not her boyfriend. I wish she could have hugged me after my first love broke up with me. I wish she could have taught me how to cook and shared her cooking tips.  I can wish for things to have been different growing up, but it won’t change what happened. And I wouldn’t want it too. And while I may be a little dysfunctional in the most fabulous way for not having a more attentive Mother, I think this is how I was supposed to be.

Is the family doomed?

I’m so excited to share that I’ve been given the opportunity to become part of the brownsistafamily! Brownsista is a phenomenal online community that seeks to celebrate the beauty, style, and accomplishments of African American women in Hollywood. I have joined the family as a guest blogger, and my first article, Is the family doomed is getting great feedback! 
 

 Read Is the family doomed here!

Single parent by choice?

Would you choose to be a single parent? I don’t know why but this question has been playing over and over in my head. It is my assumption that men and women who are single parents aren’t so by choice. As you can see from my previous post ‘baby mama’ I personally would not choose to be a single parent. I enjoy having a spouse and raising a child with someone.

I was doing some research on the topic online and found strong arguments favoring choosing to be a single parent while others thought those who chose to be single parents were out.of.their.mind. I can understand both sides, but wouldn’t choose to be a single parent. There are some people who choose to conceive or adopt children without having a spouse, significant other, boyfriend, or husband. Many of these women are financially stable and have the financial means to adequately provide for a child without needing the $$ support of a second income.

Those in favor of single parenting by choice understand that a women’s biological clock may have a timer and if they are unable to find a spouse then they’ll seek alternative methods to have a child. They believe that a woman or man has all the tools necessary to raise a smart kind child, all without the help of a spouse.

Those who oppose say that 1 person alone cannot properly raise a child. A child needs a mother and father; single parents cannot fill both roles. To try to do so would be a disservice to the child. Single headed households are poorer and less educated than those households with two adults.

So would you ever choose to be a single parent? Why or why not?

cheer up sunshine

A couple of months ago I was feeling pretty down on myself. Wasn’t feeling like I was doing all that I could to be the best me, the best mom, the best woman I could be. I felt alone, felt like no one understood me…I didn’t even understand myself. So I reached out to my friends. And I asked them if there is one piece of advice you could give me what would it be? The responses I got are below:

-Live, Laugh, Learn 

-Be brave enough to be true to yourself and love yourself more than you ever thought possible.

-Live, love, laugh, and don’t let anyone kill your happiness!

-Learn to relax

-Stay strong, remember each choice you make holds not only your future walk in life but also respects your daughter life choices. Children learn by following.

-Wake up every morning appreciating something because we aren’t guaranteed a tomorrow

-Don’t give a F what other people think of you

-Love Solana and give her everything you wish you had and wanted

-Stay focused, the light is at the end of the tunnel

-Stop procrastinating and do your homework

-Always keep your glow

-Live, love, and laugh to the fullest, letting no one and nothing keep you down

I was overwhelmed by the responses I received from my friends and family and I was so glad they took the time to respond. I was so down on myself and feeling so negative that I wasn’t able to see all the goodness in and around me. As a young single mom, I feel like I’m racing to catch up most of the time. Like I’m so much further behind other 24 year olds. I have a child, I mean, I’m not dead! My daughter is happy and healthy and a ray of sunlight in my life and in the life of those we love.

I adore her and she looks up to me. Just the other day she told me when she was older she wanted to cut her hair off when she gets older so she could be 'pretty just like mommy'. And me, well I’m fighting the fight because that’s all I know how to do. I'm taking damn good care of my daughter, working, and putting myself through school. And you know what, I'm damn proud of myself.

Welcome to Mommy Glow ya'll

Let’s get the basics out the way so we can get to the good stuff:

I spend most of my time entertaining and acting a fool with my lovely-dance princess-hates sleep-capri sun junkie-tiara wearing-my way or the highway 4 year old daughter.

(she is very fashionable!)

I do not fit the mold of the middle aged-cookie cutter-Betty Crocker-minivan driving-soccer mom-stay at home-everything is roses type Mom. That will neverrrr be me! And you know what while I was pregnant and for a period after my daughter was born I felt like I needed to be “that mom” . That mom getting out of the BMW X5. That mom rocking that Gucci Bag and 2 piece suit sash-saying through the streets in Louis Vuitton. That mom walking into her perfectly designed pottery barn kitchen. That mom who has dinner on the table for her family at 5pm…every night. That mom, that mom, that mom!!! I’M NOT THAT MOM! I’m the mom driving that 96 Camry. I’m the mom wearing black leggings and a cardi wrap with my wonderfully broken in Pumas. I’m the mom walking into the kitchen made up of used items from friends and family. I’m the mom who wants someone to cook me dinner, dangit! I aint perfect, but my daughter loves me anyways.

No, we can’t all live in a world of ridiculous fabulosity, reeking of expensive fragrances, luminous in just washed SUV’s, glowing in freshly micro-dermabrased skin. No, not all of us have the luxury of a nanny, a personal chef and personal trainer. We, the “others” are stuck with minimum wage, un-affordable housing, single parenthood, trains and buses. We, the less fortunate ones aka the forgotten ones are the ones suffering.

So here I am in 2010 thinking to myself, why don’t I see other moms like me portrayed in books, magazines, and in the media. Why do I hear other moms like me? Is it because there are no moms like me? Not the case at all. As a 24 year old black woman I rarely see other younger moms (especially minority mamas) viewed as positive role models and viewed in a good light. Instead we are viewed as just another sad sad statistic living off the government gon to the grocery store to use up her food stamps, shoot. Yep I said it. Well you know what…I may be 24, I may be a single (and fabulous) mom, I may not own a house or drive a new gleaming car, I may not be able to afford the latest Crew Cuts for my child, but I still got it. Still got that Mommy Glow.

Now, I say full speed ahead. I have my mind set, my daughter by my side, and head towards the sky. And I know that there aint nothing I can’t do.

Nothing.