How to Talk to Little Girls

A friend of mine, who is a mother of 2 daughters, forwarded me this article titled How to Talk to Little Girls featured in The Huffington Post. The article by Lisa Bloom talks about girls & self image and how we as parents and adults play into girl’s self-esteem. Think for a second about your encounters with girls, do you comment on their hair or outfit? Are you quick to tell them how cute they are? (slumps down in seat).

Lisa says, "Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal”

Not good!! The article was enlightening to me; it made me take a hard look at how I interact with my own daughter as well as little girls I come across. I realize that I often comment little girls on their new haircut or sparkly tights. And while I never saw anything wrong with it, I am becoming more aware of how these constant comments can affect a girl’s self-esteem and expectations.

My friend Marlene who forwarded me the article had this to say after reading:

“It really opened my eyes to how I interact with my girls and other young children their age. I mean I am definitely one of those people that use compliments as an ice breaker with kids like "wow, you look beautiful in that dress" and even with boys "he look so handsome in that outfit" etc. And I also thought showering my girls with compliments like these would build their self confidence, but it's actually counter-productive because now thinking back I can recall instances where my own daughter would get dressed and ask ‘Mom, do I look pretty in this dress?, Does my hair look nice like this?’ I always say of course you look great no matter what.....BUT now I realize that she was seeking my approval. I want my girls' self confidence to be based on who they are and what they know and not how they look. I guess all we can do I acknowledge this and try to break the cycle. At least I do.”

This article made me think of a previous post of mine titled Does this diaper make my butt look big. In the article I talked about the poison that are Bratz dolls and how more and more kids are concerned with their image, when they should just be concerned about being kids! Raising a healthy and confident daughter is extremely important to me, and I know that in order to achieve this it takes a lot of patience and conversations with her. Though it seems that society is completely against my desires, promoting the complete opposite of role-models and putting so much pressure onto image.

Did you read the article by Lisa Bloom? How do you counteract society’s fascination with image when interacting with your own daughter or girls you may know? 

Not a good start to the morning

So, I didn’t have a good start to the morning. Ugh.

It all started once I got to my daughter’s daycare. I Brought her in her classroom, hung up her sweater and lunchbox, kissed her precious little forehead, and walked out of her classroom. As I was walking out, I saw her… and I froze. Our eyes connected and it was as if the world froze. It took everything in me to not attack.

Let me back up. In January of last year while I was in CVS I saw my daughter’s father and his new ‘girlfriend’ and her son. He and I at that time we not on speaking terms, and he had not seen his daughter in a month or so. As soon as I saw them I froze. And so did he. I walked over to them, said hi to him (which totally freaked him out) put my hand out and said hi, I’m his daughter’s mother, are you his girlfriend? She said yes and I walked away. As soon as that door to CVS opened I started my meltdown. I quickly called a friend as tears rushed down my face. How could he spend time with her when he doesn’t even see his child? How can he spend time with her son when he doesn’t even show interest in his own daughter?

That girl in CVS looks a lot like the new teacher at my daughter’s daycare. I obviously know it’s not her, but it’s his type. Which looks nothing like me at all. But seeing her brings me back to that chilly night in January and it makes me want to e.x.p.l.o.d.e. I know I shouldn’t care, and it really really bothers me that I let it get to me so much.

All I know is that when I see her, my heart rate accelerates and my hands instantly turn into fists and turn rock solid. (Pause: I’m not a violent person, I’ve never gotten into a fight-ever)

It broke my heart to see him with a new girlfriend last year when he and I had so many unresolved issues and hadn’t really had an official breakup.

I know that I should just brush it off, I mean this girl has no place in my life, I shouldn’t care about her, or let her impact me so much, where when I get into my car I start bawling. Geez, what’s wrong with me?! And so what if by chance he is I’m dating someone, who happens to be a phenomenal person, so why why why does he still impact me so much??

Is the family doomed?

I’m so excited to share that I’ve been given the opportunity to become part of the brownsistafamily! Brownsista is a phenomenal online community that seeks to celebrate the beauty, style, and accomplishments of African American women in Hollywood. I have joined the family as a guest blogger, and my first article, Is the family doomed is getting great feedback! 
 

 Read Is the family doomed here!

About Mommy Glow

I’m a Mom…I’m a Woman…I’m 25…I’m African American and Colombian…I'm a student with big dreams… I've learned you can't plan life; all you can do is live each day as it is given to you…I...have abstract thoughts... am intelligent and hopeful... love freedom... am a solider of love...tend to take a step back from the world...have dreams, hopes, goals... am determined, daring, stubborn... can be rebellious when restricted... wear my emotions on my sleeve... love making friends and meeting new people...my strength comes from my daughter and my weakness is that my head can sometimes become stuck in the clouds...believe that every human has a passion which gets them up and out of bed each morning...live with a passion for life, justice and equality for all…those are a start...follow my heart when I can understand it... take comfort knowing that with a new day comes new strength and new thoughts.. .

I'm just a girl trying to make it in this world, trying to give back to the world, trying to be who I am and not conform to who I think I should be, trying to have a little left over after rent, trying to follow my heart, trying to keep it together when i feel like letting it all go, trying to do the "right" thing, trying love and be loved, trying to put my clothes away instead of creating an overwhelming pile of clean clothes, trying and trying and trying...

Why Mommy Glow:

I spent a lot of time coming up with catchy names for this blog. And as I was brainstorming I came up with Mommy Glow. It had right amount of sass and pop that I had hoped for. And I must say, the name truly suits me. Regardless of the fact that I’m a young single mom who is working full-time and in school full-time and raising an overly energetic daughter, I still have that Mommy Glow. The world seems to stop when I see and spend time with my little bundle of joy. She lights up my life. Though let me include not everything is sunshine and happy days in our house, everyday has its struggles and challenges, and I deal with them the best that I can. I make mistakes, I mean, I’m only human. But my daughter keeps me going, she replenishes my energy tank, and just when I don’t think I can go anymore I hear her little voice say, “mama, you’re my best girl” and that goes lights me from within and I keep fighting the fight.

What you can expect from Mommy Glow:

I created Mommy Glow to become a voice for a silent demographic. I’m a 24 year old minority single Mom, and it disappoints me that my demographic is represented negatively. I struggle daily with all of my responsibilities and sometimes I just want to scream. Ahhhhh!! That’s better.

So I’m here to share with you my story as I continue growing and learning as a woman and mother. It's not my intention to update my followers on my daughter's every move. Yes, she is my inspiration, but this blog covers much more than Yo Gabba Gabba and Pediatrician appointments.

I’ll share my reactions to articles and books I read and share thoughts on the world around me. I’ll also share tips from friends on hair, makeup, skin, and photography. So strap yourselves in and get ready for a hell of a ride!

Welcome to Mommy Glow ya'll

Let’s get the basics out the way so we can get to the good stuff:

I spend most of my time entertaining and acting a fool with my lovely-dance princess-hates sleep-capri sun junkie-tiara wearing-my way or the highway 4 year old daughter.

(she is very fashionable!)

I do not fit the mold of the middle aged-cookie cutter-Betty Crocker-minivan driving-soccer mom-stay at home-everything is roses type Mom. That will neverrrr be me! And you know what while I was pregnant and for a period after my daughter was born I felt like I needed to be “that mom” . That mom getting out of the BMW X5. That mom rocking that Gucci Bag and 2 piece suit sash-saying through the streets in Louis Vuitton. That mom walking into her perfectly designed pottery barn kitchen. That mom who has dinner on the table for her family at 5pm…every night. That mom, that mom, that mom!!! I’M NOT THAT MOM! I’m the mom driving that 96 Camry. I’m the mom wearing black leggings and a cardi wrap with my wonderfully broken in Pumas. I’m the mom walking into the kitchen made up of used items from friends and family. I’m the mom who wants someone to cook me dinner, dangit! I aint perfect, but my daughter loves me anyways.

No, we can’t all live in a world of ridiculous fabulosity, reeking of expensive fragrances, luminous in just washed SUV’s, glowing in freshly micro-dermabrased skin. No, not all of us have the luxury of a nanny, a personal chef and personal trainer. We, the “others” are stuck with minimum wage, un-affordable housing, single parenthood, trains and buses. We, the less fortunate ones aka the forgotten ones are the ones suffering.

So here I am in 2010 thinking to myself, why don’t I see other moms like me portrayed in books, magazines, and in the media. Why do I hear other moms like me? Is it because there are no moms like me? Not the case at all. As a 24 year old black woman I rarely see other younger moms (especially minority mamas) viewed as positive role models and viewed in a good light. Instead we are viewed as just another sad sad statistic living off the government gon to the grocery store to use up her food stamps, shoot. Yep I said it. Well you know what…I may be 24, I may be a single (and fabulous) mom, I may not own a house or drive a new gleaming car, I may not be able to afford the latest Crew Cuts for my child, but I still got it. Still got that Mommy Glow.

Now, I say full speed ahead. I have my mind set, my daughter by my side, and head towards the sky. And I know that there aint nothing I can’t do.

Nothing.